Mila Pavlova

I was born and in the first years of my life I became special among other childrens. I drew very well for an eleven year old schoolgirl. at 11 I could draw as well as college students. But I never went to art school, because I was mischievous and didn't want to do the assignments and what the teachers told me🥴. In my childhood I didn't have books to study art, but even if I did, it would be very difficult for me to read them because of my dyslexia. I didn’t have the Internet, I only had a mirror in which I could look at myself and understand the proportions of the body. I had two eyes, arms, legs, the whole world was around me, other people, different forms... I learned by just looking around myself. I learned very fast and I skipped my college classes a lot and hardly went to my university. however, I always passed all creative exams, although they often wanted to kick me out for absenteeism 😂. I still got an education, despite the fact that it is very difficult for me to read and write. I became very literate because I learned to be very attentive so that my dyslexia does not prevent me from interacting with people and being almost like everyone else. 10 years ago, I chose the wrong solution, and tried to draw what teachers and other people want from me. I really wanted to be praised, but no one praised me so that I would not stop working, and I forgot that I personally like to do, and I forgot that I was interested in drawing. I ended up losing my identity. I had to spend several years to stop being afraid to create something again. and of course I had to learn again how to create something of my own. and at this time, I began to manifest bipolar personality disorder. many years of treatment, different doctors, who in Ukraine are sometimes very cruel and can do much harm. I am fighting now and right now I am living my first year which I feel almost stable. it was like a fog cleared from my mind. I'm still walking this path. and I hope that people who will see my paintings now will be able to watch how I search for myself. because I believe that I can do it. because art was my first steps, words. The ART - is my every breath.